Gender War

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00 AM” He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.”

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, “Relatives of yours?”

“Yep,” the wife replied , ” in-laws”

WOMEN’S  REVENGE

“Cash, check or charge?” I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

“So, do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.

“No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.”

W O R D S

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day. 30,000 to a man’s 15,000.

The wife replied, “The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men…

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, “What?”

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee.”

The husband said, “You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.”

Wife replies, “No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.”

Husband replies, “I can’t believe that, show me.” So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says ………..”HEBREWS”

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Quick Wisdom

When I was born, I got a choice – A big dick or a good memory. I am not able to remember, what did I choose.

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.

Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings”.

There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men – don’t and stop, unless they are used together.

Panties are not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

There are three stages to sex in a person’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

Virginity can be cured.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner,you’d better have a good hand.

I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

Q: What’s an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and She was happy with the Thing……

Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn’t.

Teacher: Use “harassment” in a sentence.
Johnny: Her mouth said ‘no’, but her ass meant ‘yes’.

Q: What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone except you.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact ?
A: Breasts don’t have eyes.

Of course you’ve heard about the Viagra! computer virus, it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.

Despite the old saying, “Don’t take your troubles to bed”, many men still sleep with their wives !!!.

Zip Code

One day, at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skintight  miniskirt. When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she  realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn ‘ t get her foot high enough to reach to step.

Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the  step.

Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldn ‘ t reach the step.

So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn ‘ t reach the step.

So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, “How dare you touch my body that way, I don ‘ t even know you!”
Shocked, the man says, “Well, ma ‘ am, after you reached around and unzipped my pants three times, I thought that we were friends.”

Seven Hundred Ten

A woman came in a Garage and asked for a seven hundred ten.

All looked at each other, and the mechanic asked, “What is a seven-hundred- ten?”

She replied, “You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine. I lost it and need a new one. It had always been there.”

The mechanic gave the woman a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710 !!

He then took her over to another car which had the hood up and asked, “Is there a 710 on this car?”

She pointed and said, “Of course, it’s right there.”

Now go to the photo below to learn what a 710 is……….

710

SPOT THE SIMILARITIES

*Caption Wanted*

No Offence !!!

In a rustic jat lingo.. “Rehen do SirJi.. Ladees Driver hain.. hota hain” 🙂

Few stills on the same context….

and one more video, which is kinda IQ challenger 😉