Thoughful One-liners

Compiled from various forwards mails….

When I was born, I got a choice- A big dick or a good memory. I am not able to remember, what did I choose?

Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.

Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings”.

There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men – don’t and stop, unless they are used together.

Panties are not the best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth.

There are three stages to sex in a person’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

Virginity can be cured.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.

I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and She was happy with the Thing.

Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man’s life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn’t!

Teacher: Use “har-assment” in a sentence.
Johnny: Her mouth said ‘no’, but her ass meant ‘yes’.

Q: What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone except you.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don’t have eyes !!

Of course you’ve heard about the Viagra computer virus, it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.

Despite the old saying, “Don’t take your troubles to bed”, many men still sleep with their wives!

Quick Wisdom

When I was born, I got a choice – A big dick or a good memory. I am not able to remember, what did I choose.

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.

Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings”.

There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men – don’t and stop, unless they are used together.

Panties are not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

There are three stages to sex in a person’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

Virginity can be cured.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner,you’d better have a good hand.

I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

Q: What’s an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and She was happy with the Thing……

Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn’t.

Teacher: Use “harassment” in a sentence.
Johnny: Her mouth said ‘no’, but her ass meant ‘yes’.

Q: What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone except you.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact ?
A: Breasts don’t have eyes.

Of course you’ve heard about the Viagra! computer virus, it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.

Despite the old saying, “Don’t take your troubles to bed”, many men still sleep with their wives !!!.