Indian Corporate Angrezi

We Indians love to use Angrezi (Indian term for English) at offices. Angrezi makes us feel more evolved. Over times regionally people have invented their desi ishtyle of angrezi. There’s extremely popular Hinglish among college students, Bonglish spoken liberally from Writer’s building to Lok Sabha. The Southern Inglisha demands a different  magnitude of research attention.

However, in this post I want to introduce, something called Corporate Desi Angrezi. These are small priceless phrases of ‘English’ thrown in between conversations at meetings, with the boss during performance evaluation, while negotiating business deals etc. Only difficulty is when these little gems are uttered by the desi- angrez colleague in a meeting, I wish either I could evaporate into thin air or at least hide under the table.

Few examples may throw some light. All examples are taken from real life incidences.

A ‘ground to earth’ person is a guy who can be verbally pressurized and negotiated to his underpants but he’s still willing to sit and discuss the deal with you further.

If a document looks too heavy and complicated, it can always be ‘tamed down’. Quite logical, as we do use another popular phrase called “paper tiger”.

At the begining of an introductory meeting, adding a  very humble ” If may I ask ” before any query sounds a lot sweeter, even if it is about how the promoters are “enjoying the credit facilities.” [ Honestly, does anyone ever ‘enjoy’ a credit ? ]

To add that extra weight to the final verdict on any issue using “Let me allow YOU to tell YOU” and while the listener is trying to solve the paradox, quickly changing the topic, is found to be an extremely successful way to steal the attention.

However, I have seen people being unbelievable polite, asking “if I am permitted to be listened”. In all probability, he is always permitted.

Some issues which are found to be of critical nature while finalizing a deal, are always ‘path-breaking’. Unfortunately, deals with many path-breaking potential never gets closed.

‘Hope everything is fine FROM your end‘ at the onset of an email surely makes one wonder the good health of their ‘ends’.

Finally adding the liberal and random ‘The’ to the angrezi makes them the complete desi.

Will keep adding here as and when I gather more.

Do check the ‘Da Kaddu®’ cartoon series for more such examples.

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Interim Ass-essment

Here’s are a few of the conditions which the enterprising quack probably forgot to include in his exhaustive list. See Chikitsa – The desi oye!

Here they are…

Sore-asses (Psoriasis)

Sorry! Asses! (again, Psoriasis)

Elephant-asses (Elephantiasis)

Hype-can-dry-asses (Hypochondriasis)

My-asses (Miosis)

My-dry-asses (Mydriasis)

Try-common-asses (Trichomoniasis)

Ass-steady (STD)

Ass-study (again, STD)

Ass-sting-mate-ism (Astigmatism)

Melon-asses (Melanosis)

Mole-ass-cum contagiosum (Molluscum contagiosum)

Nerve-ass breakdown

Fiber-ass-it-is (Fibrositis)

My-ass-it-is (Myositis)

My-ass-thin-ya gravis (Myasthenia gravis)

Ass-throw-my-sin (Azithromycin)

Ass-piring for more…

Overheard…

FourPlay ?

This is what my envelop for Vodafone Bill for January Looked like.

” A pretty young girl holding  Jeans clad legs forming a 4, with an elaborate smile”. Quite thought provoking.

Can someone give a suitable caption and interpret this picture ?
Can someone give a suitable caption and interpret this picture ?

Also, this picture has something weird, something odd. Any views ?

Recession brings biggies to your neighbourhood!

Shop # 1:
Ronnie Screwvala’s  Hardware Stores and ‘You-Tea-We’ chai shop

Shop # 2:
Abbas Tyrewala puncture repair – Maane tu Ya maane Na (Believe it or Not!)

Shop # 3:
A R ‘Muruga-Dossa’India‘s first Non vegetarian south Indian restaurant

Shop # 4:
Bejan Daruwala Desi wine shop –Drink desi Wine
and

Forget your future in 2009 !

Shop # 5:
Karan Johari – Jewellery shop (Its all about loving your pendants!)

Shop # 6 :
Abhisheks MilkShakes – with BUN, TEA and BUBBLE(E) absolutely free (yeah yeah yeah I made it rhyme too)

Shop#7 :
Kareenas Tatoos – with SAIF needles ( and hold on… no no no pun, or double meaning intended)

Shop # 8:
Hrithik RationsKaho Na Pyaaz Hai!

Shop # 9:
Emraan Hashmi Dawakhana – We specialise in Badaam – Kisser Chyawanprash

Shop# 10:
Mahesh Bhutta – Only the best buttered corny stuff available here

Shop# 11:
Subhash Ghee and OilsTel se Tel milaao…

Shop # 12:

Salmon Can’s Canned Salmons + Arbooze Can’s Canned Beer outlet – Food that is CANtagious…

Shop # 13:

ShatruGUN Sinners Arms & Ammunition shop – First Josh, then Behosh and finally Khaamosh

Shop # 14 :

GoWINDah’s Table and Ceiling Fan Shop – Techicolour fans that will cool you but leave you blinded for life….(we also sell a Boppy Lahiri model with encrusted cheap flashy stones)

Shop # 15 :

Amitabh Watch n Ward – specialist in BIG, blog outsourcing and

watch (slum)dogging

Shop # 16 :

Nagesh Cook-u-Noor’s cheap Thai food Restaurant.

Shop # 17:

Ratan Bhai Tattoo – We use invisible ink made using nano-technology.

Shop # 18:

Laxmi Metal – World’s largest dealer in junk and scrap.

Shop # 19:

Roma Lingerie (By Raju) –  Finally, we’ve started believing in transparency!

Shop # 20:

Mallika’s Sherbat – Finger Lickin’ Good!

Shop # 21:

Aram Gonepal Varma’s  management Consultancy- How to run a Company, manage a Contract, Nishabd-ly screw the Sarkar , finally Phoonk the profits, Daud to Jungle and stay Mast.

Shop # 22:

King Shriek Can– Desi I scream parlour.

Special flavours include- Kabhi Kulpi kabhi Gam, Kabhi Almond na kehna, Swedish, Tub ne bana di Jodi, Cone Banega Crorepati,

Shop # 23:

AmirCan Gent SaloonFor variety of hairstyles

Special offer- One Ghajini cutting  free with one Mangal Pande cutting.

Shop # 24:

Ice Oriya Wry – Specialist Dry Cleaners

Special discounted rate for Watch n Wards

Shop # 25:

Govinda’s Dho-Bindass: Dhobi No. 1.

Shop # 26:

PriceWaterhouse Capers – Planners and executers of large scale heists

‘Backer’ who ‘Backs’ Birthday ‘Cacks’….!

At last we have a professional....who will 'Back' everything for money!

At last we have a professional....who will 'Back' everything for money!

Need professional backing…..?

Old Alliances…

Oba-moo