Naming an Indian Baby

An Indian was working in Mumbai and didn’t meet his wife for four years while his wife was in his native town somewhere in India.

At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son.

His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this “Happy event” happened when he had not seen his wife for four years…

The man said it is common in his small town that neighbours take care of the wife (good Samaritans) when men are away.

The colleagues asked him, “What name will you give to the son?”

The man explained, “If its the second neighbour who has taken care,then the name would be “DWIVEDI”;

If it is the third neighbour then it would be “TRIVEDI”,

If it is the fourth neighbour then it would be “CHATURVEDI”;

If its the fifth neighbour then it would be “PANDEY”…

After listening to this, questions followed.

What if it is a mixture of neighbours?
“Then the boy would be named “MISHRA”…

And what if the wife is too shy to tell the name of the neighbour?
Then it would be “SHARMA”…

But what if she refuses to divulge the name of the neighbour?
Then the name of the child would be “GUPTA”…

If she does not remember the name then?
“It is YAAD-AV”

But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape?
Then it will be named “DOSHI”…

Finally, if the child happened because of wife’s burning desire?
Then he will be named “JOSHI”…

And if the whole country had made efforts for the happy arrival?….
“DESHPANDEY.”

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Naming

A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children walked up to her and said, “Mummy, why is my name Petal?”

The mother replied, “Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head.”

The next baby walked up and asked, “Mummy why is my name Rose?” she replied,

“Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head.”

The last baby walked up to her and said, “BLAS CLAFLAS YIFRASSAM TASSM POONNFFFIINRTY.”

The mother replied, “Please be quiet, Refrigerator.”

Ode to the most important people in my life

There is my bai called Sundar1

Who is more of a nature’s blunder

She sweeps the floor

And knocks on the door

Just when to sleep I surrender

(1: Name same, bai still the same!)


There was also my cook called Anmol2

Who made in my pockets many hole

The Roti she would make

The policemen used to take

To be used as torture weapon against the foul

(2: Name changed to protect her identity. She is now thinking of joining Anti Terrorist Squad to teach em a lesson)


There was a watchman, Bahadur3 was his name

Sleeping was one of his favourite game

Some people came to steal

Even his pants they could peel

And all the while he was in the dream frame

(3: Name changed to protect HIS identity since I heard he has joined DREAMZ UNLIMITED inc and is doing good)


My driver, Deewan4, was his name

Formula 1 was his only aim

While he drove on the roads

There were heart-attack loads

And on rain he would put the blame

(4. Name changed to protect MY identity)


The receptionist in my office was called Sweety5

As per some men, she was cute and pretty

She would giggle, she would smile

And all the while

She would bat her eyelashes like a tweety

(5: Name varies as per the department 😛 What’s her name in your area? 😉


p.s.   Post was updated to let the readers in on the the current state of the various affairs.

Recession brings biggies to your neighbourhood!

Shop # 1:
Ronnie Screwvala’s  Hardware Stores and ‘You-Tea-We’ chai shop

Shop # 2:
Abbas Tyrewala puncture repair – Maane tu Ya maane Na (Believe it or Not!)

Shop # 3:
A R ‘Muruga-Dossa’India‘s first Non vegetarian south Indian restaurant

Shop # 4:
Bejan Daruwala Desi wine shop –Drink desi Wine
and

Forget your future in 2009 !

Shop # 5:
Karan Johari – Jewellery shop (Its all about loving your pendants!)

Shop # 6 :
Abhisheks MilkShakes – with BUN, TEA and BUBBLE(E) absolutely free (yeah yeah yeah I made it rhyme too)

Shop#7 :
Kareenas Tatoos – with SAIF needles ( and hold on… no no no pun, or double meaning intended)

Shop # 8:
Hrithik RationsKaho Na Pyaaz Hai!

Shop # 9:
Emraan Hashmi Dawakhana – We specialise in Badaam – Kisser Chyawanprash

Shop# 10:
Mahesh Bhutta – Only the best buttered corny stuff available here

Shop# 11:
Subhash Ghee and OilsTel se Tel milaao…

Shop # 12:

Salmon Can’s Canned Salmons + Arbooze Can’s Canned Beer outlet – Food that is CANtagious…

Shop # 13:

ShatruGUN Sinners Arms & Ammunition shop – First Josh, then Behosh and finally Khaamosh

Shop # 14 :

GoWINDah’s Table and Ceiling Fan Shop – Techicolour fans that will cool you but leave you blinded for life….(we also sell a Boppy Lahiri model with encrusted cheap flashy stones)

Shop # 15 :

Amitabh Watch n Ward – specialist in BIG, blog outsourcing and

watch (slum)dogging

Shop # 16 :

Nagesh Cook-u-Noor’s cheap Thai food Restaurant.

Shop # 17:

Ratan Bhai Tattoo – We use invisible ink made using nano-technology.

Shop # 18:

Laxmi Metal – World’s largest dealer in junk and scrap.

Shop # 19:

Roma Lingerie (By Raju) –  Finally, we’ve started believing in transparency!

Shop # 20:

Mallika’s Sherbat – Finger Lickin’ Good!

Shop # 21:

Aram Gonepal Varma’s  management Consultancy- How to run a Company, manage a Contract, Nishabd-ly screw the Sarkar , finally Phoonk the profits, Daud to Jungle and stay Mast.

Shop # 22:

King Shriek Can– Desi I scream parlour.

Special flavours include- Kabhi Kulpi kabhi Gam, Kabhi Almond na kehna, Swedish, Tub ne bana di Jodi, Cone Banega Crorepati,

Shop # 23:

AmirCan Gent SaloonFor variety of hairstyles

Special offer- One Ghajini cutting  free with one Mangal Pande cutting.

Shop # 24:

Ice Oriya Wry – Specialist Dry Cleaners

Special discounted rate for Watch n Wards

Shop # 25:

Govinda’s Dho-Bindass: Dhobi No. 1.

Shop # 26:

PriceWaterhouse Capers – Planners and executers of large scale heists

Ashyamed

*Caption Wanted*

*Caption Wanted*

New words in English Dictionary

Raju : (n.) Human species who exist as either gentlemen or conmen and are hard to distinguish unless they come out in the open.

(v.) The act of riding a tiger and then getting off it, either in a circus or elsewhere

example: ‘The kid who visited  the zoo was adamant on Raju-ing but its parents instead offered him their own back to ride on’

Gilani : (n.) Descendants of Chameleons now existing as human species, characterized by asking for proof even from their moms that they are actually born to them.

Also exist as – Zardari, Qureshi, Sharif etc.

(v.) The act of  demanding proof  that there actually exists a fire for every smoke.

Raju and his wrong Oyes !!

Ramalinga Raju renames his company – MITHYAM COMPUTERS LTD.

Ramalinga renamed as Ravanlinga !

For Investors, Ramalinga Raju now becomes – Haramilinga Raju (Harami, according to islamic-dictionary.com, is a thief or burglar)

For CA firms, he remains – Bhramalinga Raju (Bhram = Illusion)

For media, undoubtedly he is – Dramalinga Raju

And for SEBI – Ramalinga Raju is now Mara-linga Raju

For  the audit industry he is now Trauma-linga Raju

Indian IT Industry Sharamalinga raju. because usne sabko shraminda kar diya!

For Investors, PriceWaterhouse Coopers now becomes – Pee Gaye Lassi (Pee as in To Gulp Down)

For CA firms, they become – Chhee WC

SEBI is looking for PW No See

And for poor Satyam employees, PW Flew the Coopers

What about PriceWaterhouse Poopers!

Even PriceWaterhouse Stoopers and PriceWaterhouse Bloopers are not bad alternatives.

Some more quotes:

“Bhaagte chor ko Raju hi sahi…..”

“Raju…..yeh andar ki baat hai!” (Most appropriate)

Raju…..yeh to bada wrong-doing hai….!”