Naming an Indian Baby

An Indian was working in Mumbai and didn’t meet his wife for four years while his wife was in his native town somewhere in India.

At the end of 4 years he distributed sweets to his colleagues in office stating that his wife had delivered a son.

His colleagues were quite shocked and they asked how this “Happy event” happened when he had not seen his wife for four years…

The man said it is common in his small town that neighbours take care of the wife (good Samaritans) when men are away.

The colleagues asked him, “What name will you give to the son?”

The man explained, “If its the second neighbour who has taken care,then the name would be “DWIVEDI”;

If it is the third neighbour then it would be “TRIVEDI”,

If it is the fourth neighbour then it would be “CHATURVEDI”;

If its the fifth neighbour then it would be “PANDEY”…

After listening to this, questions followed.

What if it is a mixture of neighbours?
“Then the boy would be named “MISHRA”…

And what if the wife is too shy to tell the name of the neighbour?
Then it would be “SHARMA”…

But what if she refuses to divulge the name of the neighbour?
Then the name of the child would be “GUPTA”…

If she does not remember the name then?
“It is YAAD-AV”

But who knows whether the child resulted from a rape?
Then it will be named “DOSHI”…

Finally, if the child happened because of wife’s burning desire?
Then he will be named “JOSHI”…

And if the whole country had made efforts for the happy arrival?….
“DESHPANDEY.”

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India FAQs

The answers are the actual responses to the questions on a website posed by worldwide travellers who are planning a visit :

Q:Does it ever get windy in India? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK)
A:We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q:Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking. If you are good, you might see some of them even flying.

Q:I want to walk from Delhi to Goa- can I follow the railroad tracks?
(Sweden)
A:Sure, it’s only three thousand kms, take lots of water.

Q:Is it safe to run around in the bushes in India? (Sweden)
A:So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

Q:Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in India? Can you send me a list
of them in Delhi, Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore? (UK)
A:What did your last slave die of ?

Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in India?(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. In-di-a is that big triangle in the middle of the Pacific & Indian Ocean
which does not.. oh forget it. …… Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Goa. Come naked.

Q:Which direction is North in India? (USA)
A:Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q:Can I bring cutlery into India? ( UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q:Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? (France)
A:Indiana is a state in the Unites States of….oh forget it. Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tuesday night in Goa, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in India? ( UK )
A: You’re a British politician, right? Q: Are there supermarkets in Bangalore, and is milk available all yearround? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q:Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A:Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good
pets.

Q:Do you have perfume in India? ( France)
A:No, WE don’t stink.

Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
you tell me where I can sell it in India? (USA)
A:Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in India? (France)
A:Only at Christmas.

Q:Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A:Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first

Q:Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? (Italy)
A:As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime.

Q:Do you have Toilet paper? (USA)
A: No, we use sand-paper (we have different grades).

Recession brings biggies to your neighbourhood!

Shop # 1:
Ronnie Screwvala’s  Hardware Stores and ‘You-Tea-We’ chai shop

Shop # 2:
Abbas Tyrewala puncture repair – Maane tu Ya maane Na (Believe it or Not!)

Shop # 3:
A R ‘Muruga-Dossa’India‘s first Non vegetarian south Indian restaurant

Shop # 4:
Bejan Daruwala Desi wine shop –Drink desi Wine
and

Forget your future in 2009 !

Shop # 5:
Karan Johari – Jewellery shop (Its all about loving your pendants!)

Shop # 6 :
Abhisheks MilkShakes – with BUN, TEA and BUBBLE(E) absolutely free (yeah yeah yeah I made it rhyme too)

Shop#7 :
Kareenas Tatoos – with SAIF needles ( and hold on… no no no pun, or double meaning intended)

Shop # 8:
Hrithik RationsKaho Na Pyaaz Hai!

Shop # 9:
Emraan Hashmi Dawakhana – We specialise in Badaam – Kisser Chyawanprash

Shop# 10:
Mahesh Bhutta – Only the best buttered corny stuff available here

Shop# 11:
Subhash Ghee and OilsTel se Tel milaao…

Shop # 12:

Salmon Can’s Canned Salmons + Arbooze Can’s Canned Beer outlet – Food that is CANtagious…

Shop # 13:

ShatruGUN Sinners Arms & Ammunition shop – First Josh, then Behosh and finally Khaamosh

Shop # 14 :

GoWINDah’s Table and Ceiling Fan Shop – Techicolour fans that will cool you but leave you blinded for life….(we also sell a Boppy Lahiri model with encrusted cheap flashy stones)

Shop # 15 :

Amitabh Watch n Ward – specialist in BIG, blog outsourcing and

watch (slum)dogging

Shop # 16 :

Nagesh Cook-u-Noor’s cheap Thai food Restaurant.

Shop # 17:

Ratan Bhai Tattoo – We use invisible ink made using nano-technology.

Shop # 18:

Laxmi Metal – World’s largest dealer in junk and scrap.

Shop # 19:

Roma Lingerie (By Raju) –  Finally, we’ve started believing in transparency!

Shop # 20:

Mallika’s Sherbat – Finger Lickin’ Good!

Shop # 21:

Aram Gonepal Varma’s  management Consultancy- How to run a Company, manage a Contract, Nishabd-ly screw the Sarkar , finally Phoonk the profits, Daud to Jungle and stay Mast.

Shop # 22:

King Shriek Can– Desi I scream parlour.

Special flavours include- Kabhi Kulpi kabhi Gam, Kabhi Almond na kehna, Swedish, Tub ne bana di Jodi, Cone Banega Crorepati,

Shop # 23:

AmirCan Gent SaloonFor variety of hairstyles

Special offer- One Ghajini cutting  free with one Mangal Pande cutting.

Shop # 24:

Ice Oriya Wry – Specialist Dry Cleaners

Special discounted rate for Watch n Wards

Shop # 25:

Govinda’s Dho-Bindass: Dhobi No. 1.

Shop # 26:

PriceWaterhouse Capers – Planners and executers of large scale heists