Bollywood XXX

The other day there was this thread on Twitter “movies turned xxx” (wordplay with movie names such that it sounds like a xxx movie)

Examples from Bollywood-

Pati, Patni aur ooh !
Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Cum

Ajab prem ki gazab jawani
Come-in-ne
Ball the best

Mujhe kuch karna hai
Deewana Mast- ana
Yes-i-want
Ab Tumare Hawale Badan Sathiyo
Cheer-Zaara
Yeh Lamhe **udai Ke
Haath hi mera saathi

Bang De Basanti
Gol Maal

Jeena Yahan, Maarna Yahan
Dus jawaniyan
Bas itna sa saab hai
Shake up Sid
Cum-dog Crorepati

Pill leke dekho
Kal blow na ho
Maarna mana hai!

Maare Zameen Pe

*hut Polish

Sho Lay

The Dilido movies: replace Dil with Dildo and the results are hilarious

Phir bhi dildo hai Hindustani

Hum Dildo De chuke Sanam

Dilo to Pagal Hai

However using Pill istead of Dil also makes the names become equally interesting

Pill Diya Dard Liya

Pill-lagi

Pill Do Pyar Lo

Talking about innuendos, the following names would surely mean a thing to the dirty mind-

Laal Badshah
Chhota Chetan
Jaisi Karni Waisi Bharni

Zamane ko Dikhana hai
Hathyar
Ab Meri Baari
Khuli Khidki

Lage raho Munna bhai

Ek se Badkar Ek
Manthan
Teesra Kaun?

Pyasa

Do Aanken Barah Haath

Bandhe Haath

Parde Ke Peechhe

Kahaani poori filmi hai bhaiiiiiii..!

Being a self-confessed filmi keeda, I cannot help but keep returning to bollywood day in and day out. Catching an old flick on cable, there are many moments when I cringe/laugh/shudder/cry at the unintentional emotions brought out by the characters on the screen and at times, off screen too.

Well, this is just a random compilation of my reactions to our apna bollywood.

1. I  would love to invite Mohd. Aziz as my dinner guest and get my Bheja fried looking at his scrap book and asking him to sing ‘mard taangewala’ or for that matter ANY of his songs. The way this guy pronounced some of the words (specially ‘hai’ as in Maa kyun pareshaan hai, apni kismat pe hairaan hai..) I mean his idol Mohd Rafi would be shuddering in his grave. And for a long time in the 80s, I thought this guy was Rafi’s son! Goddammittt!

2. The Jagdeeps and Kader Khans and Asranis though talented reduced the so called ‘comedy’ to such slapstick levels that I cannot help but cringe. I have lost count of how many times I have seen the track of a comedian romancing an Upasana Singh/Aroona Irani/etc. in hide-n-seek moments inside her house with the girl’s baap being fooled. Couldn’t they think of anything else???

3. If you have seen movies of 70s or 80s, there were 2-3 child artistes who looked so similar to me that I couldn’t make out who is munna and who is munni. I mean I know for a child, you just need to change knickers to frocks to make him a ‘she’ and vice versa, but still child artistes and their roles were treated so shabbily, that I want to slap the movie makers of that era. Precocious to the core, crying and wiping tears at the drop of a hat, and being given toffeeeee or chocolate by every adult in the house. I never actually saw these bachchas eating cereals in the movie. Guess they survived on the chocolates and toffees.

4. The court scenes! yeah yeah. I know you know what I mean. We’ve seen it all and discussed it all. I have never actually visited a court room for real and don’t really know. But , just like Jagdish Raj never got out of the police officer attire even in his bed while making love to his wife, some of the actors never got out of the black coats of Judge or Advocate. Why, oh why they always adjourned the hearing to ‘agale somvaar’ when they could have wrapped it up then and there ? Maybe the judge needed a long weekend to holiday or just went on a long bio break. Whatever!

There are n number of such moments I myself  have but I guess I shall adjourn it till ‘agale somvaar’ and its time for all the munnas and munnis to share their thoughts and I promise them a handful of chocolates in return!

Phata posterrrr..Niklaaaaa Hero!!

In the pre-digital age, Bollywood not only gave us some vintage classics, it also gave us some awesome posters. Thanks to Internet, I found a huge database of these posters online. It brought back memories of my childhood, especially the 80s, when almost every wall of the city was smeared with these posters. In this section, I intend to highlight some of my favourites. Appropriate captions invited !

Classic Bollywood Poster 1

jeene-nahin-doonga

**Someone fassst! Get him some FIRST AID man! **

 

 Classic Bollywood Poster 2

do-shatru

“DO Shatru” ?? I only see one.