After the dinner with Banta was over, Philip felt quite pissed off.  He had hardly eaten anything, Banta having siphoned off his appetite. Fretting and fuming, he returned to his room, ticking his staff off on the way….

He barked at his chauffer,

“Check the limo’s battery…..O haberdasher of asshattery!”

He roared at his valet,

“Bring me lettuce soup…O leather-eared navel-deprived twiddle-poop!”

He thundered at his butler,

“A bottle of the best wine…..O jumped-up shoe-duffing bog-swine!”

He snarled at his dog-walker,

“Did you feed the Royal Hound…..O sponge-butted cumberground!”

He bellowed at his cook,

“Roast me a peking duck….O weasel-headed yellow livered quakebuttock!”

Having thus lambasted his footman, horsetrainer, gardener, masseuse, governess, secretary, groundskeeper, laundress and secretary, Philip felt a little better. In fact he was quite pleased by his new found lyrical skill. As he entered his bedroom, he saw Elizabeth preparing to go to sleep.

He couldn’t check himself. Turning to his wife, he hollered at her,

“My pyjamas badly need a stitch…O umbilically-fixated coop-crawling bitch!”

Elizabeth threw a table lamp at Philip and screamed, …….

Now this is for you guys and gals to fill up 😀



Banta’s Day Out

Banta has been one of my favourite characters. This one is the latest of his escapades…

Banta is invited to dine with Queen Elizabeth and her consort Prince Philip.  Naturally Banta is damn impressed by the grandeur and opulence. While they are having dinner, the Queen smiles at Banta and says “Pass me the Wine…O Divine!”.  

Banta is overwhelmed. His jaw drops. How extravagantly poetic the Queen and the Prince are! Banta itches to return the compliments. He thinks hard for a while, makes up his mind, flashes a smile and addresses the queen…”Pass me the Roti, you Moti”, and then turns to the Prince and says “Will you please pass me the cake…you fake”!