Weirdistan, meri Jaan

Safety ruptured

Safety ruptured

dnarB stropS

dnarB stropS

Now that's really important !

Now that's really important !

helmetaphor

helmetaphor

Long Day Basanti !

Long Day Basanti !

For Emargensi

For Emargensi

Makes good sense this.

Makes good sense this.

Coinnecting Chappal

Connecting Chappal

Ronald ki dukaan.

Ronald ki dukaan.

Simple is idiotproof.

Simple is idiotproof.

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Apology Letter

Received by mail. Author unknown.

A School Master from a remote rural area was transferred to a new School in Mumbai. He reported for duty two days after the actual date of joining. Consequently he was asked for an explanation in writing…

……………………………..
Deer sur,

If small small mistakes getting inside my letter, I big you pardon, ass I am not a good englis speaker.  This is my fist vijit to Bombai. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly,but for the following region, too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment.
I tolded I has head ache problem due to migration. Still the clerk rejected to give ticket to I and my sun.

I putted a complain on station masterji.  He said I to go to the lady clerk.

At first she also rejected. I then pressed for long time and finally with great difficulty she gave a birth to my sun.

Anyway I thanked the station master also because he was phully responsible for getting birth of my sun.

Ass a hole it was a bhery diphicult experiment in my hole life.

I hope u will look into explain my hole story after,and late me joint first.

I am now ending this fastly. I am a waiter for your sponsement.

May God blast you!”

……………………………………….

You can read an essay on a training centre of  such Effluent Engilsh by Prof. Shakarotti.

Indian Corporate Angrezi

We Indians love to use Angrezi (Indian term for English) at offices. Angrezi makes us feel more evolved. Over times regionally people have invented their desi ishtyle of angrezi. There’s extremely popular Hinglish among college students, Bonglish spoken liberally from Writer’s building to Lok Sabha. The Southern Inglisha demands a different  magnitude of research attention.

However, in this post I want to introduce, something called Corporate Desi Angrezi. These are small priceless phrases of ‘English’ thrown in between conversations at meetings, with the boss during performance evaluation, while negotiating business deals etc. Only difficulty is when these little gems are uttered by the desi- angrez colleague in a meeting, I wish either I could evaporate into thin air or at least hide under the table.

Few examples may throw some light. All examples are taken from real life incidences.

A ‘ground to earth’ person is a guy who can be verbally pressurized and negotiated to his underpants but he’s still willing to sit and discuss the deal with you further.

If a document looks too heavy and complicated, it can always be ‘tamed down’. Quite logical, as we do use another popular phrase called “paper tiger”.

At the begining of an introductory meeting, adding a  very humble ” If may I ask ” before any query sounds a lot sweeter, even if it is about how the promoters are “enjoying the credit facilities.” [ Honestly, does anyone ever ‘enjoy’ a credit ? ]

To add that extra weight to the final verdict on any issue using “Let me allow YOU to tell YOU” and while the listener is trying to solve the paradox, quickly changing the topic, is found to be an extremely successful way to steal the attention.

However, I have seen people being unbelievable polite, asking “if I am permitted to be listened”. In all probability, he is always permitted.

Some issues which are found to be of critical nature while finalizing a deal, are always ‘path-breaking’. Unfortunately, deals with many path-breaking potential never gets closed.

‘Hope everything is fine FROM your end‘ at the onset of an email surely makes one wonder the good health of their ‘ends’.

Finally adding the liberal and random ‘The’ to the angrezi makes them the complete desi.

Will keep adding here as and when I gather more.

Do check the ‘Da Kaddu®’ cartoon series for more such examples.