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CONSENT FORM

Presence of Mind

In a shop a man asked for 1/2 kg of butter

The salesperson, a young boy, said that only 1kg packs were available in the shop, but the customer insisted on buying only 1/2 kg.

So the boy went inside to the manager’s room and said “An idiot outside wants to buy only 1/2 kg of butter”.

To his surprise, the customer was standing behind him. So the boy added immediately, “And this gentleman wants to buy the other half !!!!!!”.

After the customer left, the manager said “You have saved your position by being clever enough at the right time.

Where do you come from? To this the boy said, “I come from Mexico. The place consists of only prostitutes and football players !!!!!”.

The manager replied coldly, “My wife is also from Mexico”.

To this the boy asked excitedly, “Oh yeah? Which team does she play for?

………………………………………………………………………………

“Believe in your presence of mind and never panic”

DA KADDU

This article was posted here

With the cartoon below I start a new series called ‘Da Kaddu’.

Kaddu is the ubiquitous Indian Corporate Citizen and found almost in every organization.

I am a huge fan of Dilbert and I am heavily influenced by the Scott Adamsque humour, so if any similarity is found with Dilbert I would consider myself honoured :)

Let me introduce the Characters shown above.

Fuddu: The perfectionist Boss with a twisted sense of humour.

Kaddu: The manager reporting to the Fuddu.

To be continued……

Newlyweds

Worn Out ?

A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long.

Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom. When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride where she sees all of him well.

Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped and stared, and she asked shyly, “What’s that?”, pointing to a small part of his anatomy.

He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, “Well, that’s what we had so much fun with last night.”

And she, in amazement, asked, “Is that all we have left?”

********

Warming Up

A young couple, married just a couple weeks, returns from their honeymoon to face the beginning of their new lives. The next morning the husband wakes up, showers, dresses and makes his way to the kitchen where he sees his new wife crying.

So the husband inquires “What’s wrong Honey?”

“Well, I came down here this morning to surprise you with a big breakfast but I can’t cook or clean.”

The husband smiles his biggest smile and says “There, there sweetie! I don’t care that you can’t cook and clean. Come on up to the bedroom and I’ll show you what I’d like for breakfast.”

So, off they went to the bedroom.

That afternoon, the husband comes home for lunch to find his new wife crying again in the kitchen. “What’s wrong now, Sweetie?”

“Well, the same thing as this morning. I came in here to make you something for lunch and I just can’t cook.”

Again, the husband smiles and says “Why don’t you come back up to the bedroom and I’ll have my lunch there!”

So, off they went to the bedroom again.

That evening the new husband comes home, walks in the house and sees his new bride sliding down the banister of the stairs naked. Up she runs, and WHOOSH down the banister.

After the third trip the husband asks “What the heck are you doing honey?”

To which the new bride replies “Warming up your supper!”

*****

Most Beautiful Night

On his honeymoon, a very thick South African Boer farmer, Piet Kruger, insisted on having a room with a balcony overlooking the sea.

On retiring for the night after the wedding, his new bride emerged from the bathroom dressed in some very sexy lingerie.

“Ag Hendrik, come in off the balcony and see what I have waiting for you to savor for the first time” she said coyly.

“No thanks, I want to sit out here,” he said.

So Marie sat down brushing her golden hair for 10 minutes after which she invited Hendrik once more to come in off the balcony to take pleasure of her virginal body. Once more he refused. Eventually Marie grew tired of waiting and she retired to the wedding bed and fell asleep.

In the morning, she awoke to find him still sitting on the balcony.

“Why did you spend the whole night out there when you could have been making love all night?” she asked.

“Well my pa said the first night of my marriage would be the most beautiful night of my whole life – and I didn’t want to miss a moment of it.”

Dirty talks

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

“Well,” said her mother, “so – how was the honeymoon?” “Oh, mama,” she replied, “the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic…”

Suddenly she burst out crying. “But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language – things I’d never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You’ve got to come get me and take me home… PLEASE MAMA!”

“Sarah, Sarah,” her mother said, “calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?” “Please don’t make me tell you, mama,” wept the daughter, “I’m so embarrassed – they’re just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!!”

“Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset… Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!”

Still sobbing, the bride said, “Oh, mama… words like:

DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK…”!

Oriental KLPD

Thorn was on a business trip and was staying in this fancy hotel. When he went up to his room there was a sign near the bed that said “Try our Oriental Massage”.

So he rang down to the reception and told the clerk that he’d wanted to try one of the massages. About ten minutes later this Asian lady came up and started giving him a massage.

He was on his stomach and got pretty horny resulting in a huge boner. She told him to turn over and when he did she saw his thing standing to attention.

She giggled and said “Ahh, you want wanky!” and Thorn said “Oooh, yes!”

She ran off into the bathroom and left him on the bed waiting. A few minutes passed by and she stuck her head out from behind the door and said “You finished yet?”

Sex in Mars

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen bring up the subject of sex.

“Just how do you guys do it?” asks Maureen.

“Pretty much the way you do,” responds the Martian.

Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He’s got only a teeny, weeny member – about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.

“I don’t think this is going to work,” says Maureen.

“Why?” he asks, “What’s the matter?”

“Well,” she replies, “It’s just not long enough to reach me!”

“No problem,” he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it’s quite impressively long.

“Well,” she says, “That’s quite impressive, but it’s still pretty narrow….”

“No problem,” he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.

“Wow!” she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways.

As they walk along, Mike asks “Well, was it any good?”

“I hate to say it,” says Maureen, “but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?”

“It was horrible,” he replies, All I got was a headache. All she kept doing the whole time was slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.”