India FAQs

The answers are the actual responses to the questions on a website posed by worldwide travellers who are planning a visit :

Q:Does it ever get windy in India? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK)
A:We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q:Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking. If you are good, you might see some of them even flying.

Q:I want to walk from Delhi to Goa- can I follow the railroad tracks?
A:Sure, it’s only three thousand kms, take lots of water.

Q:Is it safe to run around in the bushes in India? (Sweden)
A:So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

Q:Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in India? Can you send me a list
of them in Delhi, Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore? (UK)
A:What did your last slave die of ?

Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in India?(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. In-di-a is that big triangle in the middle of the Pacific & Indian Ocean
which does not.. oh forget it. …… Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Goa. Come naked.

Q:Which direction is North in India? (USA)
A:Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q:Can I bring cutlery into India? ( UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q:Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? (France)
A:Indiana is a state in the Unites States of….oh forget it. Sure, the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tuesday night in Goa, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in India? ( UK )
A: You’re a British politician, right? Q: Are there supermarkets in Bangalore, and is milk available all yearround? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q:Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A:Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good

Q:Do you have perfume in India? ( France)
A:No, WE don’t stink.

Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
you tell me where I can sell it in India? (USA)
A:Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in India? (France)
A:Only at Christmas.

Q:Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A:Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first

Q:Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? (Italy)
A:As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime.

Q:Do you have Toilet paper? (USA)
A: No, we use sand-paper (we have different grades).


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