Corporate Adjectives

These beaten to death  frequently used jargons are invariably found in CVs and Performance Appraisal forms.

Ever thought what they actually mean? I have tried to compile some of the best ones from various sources added with my own experience. Here goes-

3600 performer- buys drinks for boss & colleagues

Applies holistic approach- Can draw complicated flow charts

Asset for the organization- Comes early, leaves late

Can accept challenge- needy

Career minded- good in office politics

Careful thinker- beats around the bush and never takes any decision

Chequered path- Has many multiple unrelated degrees and hopped many jobs across radically different industries and settled for something s/he has never done before.

Cooperative- high libido, sexually starved

Creative thinker – Has a blog

Detail oriented- Micro manager

Diplomatic- under large personal debt obligations

Exceptionally good judgement- pure lucky

Expert – Have failed accomplishing the task once

Expressive- speaks English

Go getter- short tempered

Goal oriented- good in back stabbing

Good communication skills- Doesn’t hang up the phone before an hour

Good delegation power- screws subordinates to get job done

Good networking skills- Has 1000 connections in LinkedIn and Ryze

Great Presentation skills- Good with Power Point and can add background music

Great sense of humour- Has an archive of dirty jokes

Hard task master- sadist

Hard worker- Write long mails with time stamps 7: 22 Am and 9:52 pm with cc: all

Independent worker- Dumped employee with no work

IT savvy- finds ways to break firewall to chat from office

Knowledgeable – member of Stumbleupon, digg it, & Technorati and browses wikipedia

Lateral thinker- Weirdo

Loyal- dumped and can’t get a job elsewhere

Meticulous – proofchecks punctuation marks and formatting

Multitalented- Can sing and whistle

Organized- Stores all printouts out of sight and keeps desk clean

Outgoing Personality- Dates departmental colleagues

Positive thinker- Ass kisser

Possess leadership qualities- tall and has loud voice

Practical knowledge – Knows the source in Internet

Pro-active- orders the coffee in meeting

Proficient – Have successfully done it done it once

Quick Thinker- comes up with radical excuses within no time

Relaxed attitude- sleeps at desk

Smart- Knows to tie 3 types of knots and wears cufflinks

Socially active- Drinks a lot

Socially popular- has 1000 friends in Facebook and owns multiple communities

Team player- Leads the bitching and gossip during lunchtime

Unique skill set- Posses now obsolete diplomas

Use logic to deliver task- gets it done through someone else

Workaholic- No lifer who stays near office


2 Responses

  1. Extremely very very true, all of them. No joke!

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