Go-Pal !!!!!!!

Below is an excerpt from Anurag Mathur’s “Inscrutable Americans”. Worth a dekho 🙂


Dear brother,
greetings to respectful parents. I am hoping all is well with health and wealth. I am fine at my end. Hoping your end is fine too. With God’s grace and parents’ blessings I am arriving safely in America and finding good apartment near University. Kindly assure mother that I am strictly consuming vegetarian food only in restaurants though I am not knowing if cooks are Brahmins. I hope parents’ prayers are residing with me.
Younger brother, I am having so many things to tell you that I am not knowing where to start. Most surprising thing about America is it is full of Americans. Everywhere Americans, Americans, big and white, it is little frightening. The flight from New Delhi to New York is arriving safely thanks to God’s grace and Parents’ prayers and mine too. I am not able to go to bathroom whole time because I am sitting in corner seat as per revered grandmother’s wish. Father is rightly scolding that airplane is flying too high to have good view. Still please tell her I have done needful.
But, brother, in next two seats are sitting two old gentle ladies and if I am getting up then they are put in lot of botheration so I am not getting up for except when plane is stopping for one hour in London. Many foods are being served in carts but I am only eating cashew nuts and bread because I am not knowing what is food and what is meat. I am having a good time drinking 37 glasses of Coca-Cola.
They are rolling down a screen and showing a film but I am not listening because air hostess ladies are selling head phones for 2 dollars which is Rs.60 and in our beloved Jajau town we can sit in balcony seats in Regal Talkies for only Rs.3. I am asking lady if they are giving student discount but she is too busy. I am also asking her for more Coca-Cola but she is looking like she is weeping and walking away. I think perhaps she is not understanding proper English.
Next I go to place marked ” Baggage” as Father has advised and suddenly place I am sitting starts to move throwing me. It is like python we once saw in forest, only rattling and with luggage bouncing on its back and sometimes leaping to attack passengers. I am also throwing myself on bag before it is escaping. I think if I am not wrestling it down it would revert to plane and back home to India. I am only joking of course.
At Customs, brother, I am getting big shock. One fat man is grunting at me and looking cleverly from small eyes. “First visit?” he is asking, “Yes,” I am agreeing “Move on,” he is saying making chalk marks on bags. As I am picking up bags he is looking directly at me and saying “Watch your ass.” Now, brother, this is wonderful. How he is knowing we are purchasing donkey? I think they are knowing everything about everybody who is coming to America.
But, brother, now I am worrying. Supposing this is CIA keeping watch or else how they can know about our donkey? Anyway please do not tell Mother and Father or they are worrying, but lock all doors and windows. If CIA wants to recruit me to be spy in Jajau, I will gladly take poison before betraying our Motherland. Then I am going out and cousins are waiting and receiving me warmly. I will write soon after settling down.
Your brother”


8 Responses

  1. Sarvesh,
    First, Welcome to Desicompunny & blogdom. Though the post is an excerpt, but still it is good that you are able to open your ‘khata’ 🙂

    Now, regarding the sentiments & the language of the narrative; its very near to the ‘Borat’ experience. Those who has seen Borat ( Shalini, i know for sure)would probably agree with me.

    Btw, where’s Jajau ? Looks like one is in UP, India (http://www.maplandia.com/india/uttar-pradesh/agra/jajau/) and another is in Papua New Guinea (http://www.maplandia.com/papua-new-guinea/northern/jajau/).

    Want to see more of you.

  2. And yes, a title for the post would be good 🙂 ~uh~

  3. yo.com.. Go-Pal character (from jajau in MP as mentioned in the book) is very much Boratish. 🙂

    title.? did i miss it?

  4. Quite a gripping account. Which University had the spunk to accept this feller actually?

  5. ho ho.. it had to be a fictitious university in some place called Eversville.

  6. There’s no Jajau in MP. There’s one in UP.
    Btw, there’s one battle of Jajau too- http://www.india9.com/i9show/Battle-of-Jajau-34007.htm

  7. fictional jajau Rey… !!!!

    btw, quite some story inthe link :))

  8. LOL I have read that. But yet to read the complete book

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