Power Failure

Agony Uncle ?

Why Men shouldn’t write Advice Columns…. Here’s an Example…

Dear John,

I hope you can help me. The other day I set off for work, leaving my husband in the house, watching T.V. My car stalled, and it broke down about a mile down the road, and I had to walk back to my house to get my husband’s help. When I got home, I couldnt’ believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with our neighbour’s daughter.

I am 32, my husband is 34 and neighbour’s daughter is 19. We have been married for 10 years. When i confronted him, he broke down, and admitted that they had been having an affair since last six months. He won’t go to counselling and I am afraid I am a wreck, and need advice urgently, Can you please Help?

Sincerely,

Sheila

Reply:

Dear Sheila,

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all the grounding wires. If none of these solve the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I Hope this helps,

Regards,
John

Thoughtful Signs

Spotted outside a toilet of an office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR.

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR.

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR, THE BELL DOESN’T WORK).

At a zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

At a Hotel:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

In a Restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITERS RUDE SHOULD WAIT AND SEE THE MANAGER.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.

In a Coffee House:
PEOPLE DISCARDING CIGARETTE STUBS IN CUPS, WILL BE SERVED COFFEE IN ASH TRAYS.

Famous Big Holes

1. Kimberley Big Hole – South Africa Apparently the largest ever hand-dug excavation in the world, this 1097-meter-deep mine yielded over three tons of diamonds before being closed. 2. Glory Hole – Monticello Dam, California This is the Glory Hole at Monticello Dam, and it’s the largest in the world of this type of spillway, its size enabling it to consume 14,400 cubic feet of water every second. A glory hole is used when a dam is at full capacity and water needs to be drained from the reservoir. 3 Great Blue Hole , Belize This incredible geographical phenomenon known as a blue hole is situated 60 miles off the mainland of Belize . There are numerous blue holes around the world but none as stunning as this one. 4 Sinkhole in Guatemala This photo is of a sinkhole that occurred February 2007 in Guatemala . It swallowed two dozen homes and killed at least three people. 5. This Indian Parliament is the famous Rat Hole. It is capable of swallowing Millions of Tax Payers Money annually, never to be heard from again! It is reputed to contain at least 534 + 250 ass"holes". __._,_.___

Visa power of Hanuman

I wonder did Hanuman have a visa while his ‘business’ visit to Lanka.

Wild Comeback Line

Sally took her 92 year old dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes. They decided to grab a bite at the food court. Sally noticed that her dad was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors : green, red, orange, and blue. Her dad kept staring at him.
The teenager would look and find him staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, ‘What’s the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?’

Knowing her Dad, Sally quickly swallowed her food so that she would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.

‘Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.’

A Short Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl ‘Will you marry me?’

The girl said, ‘NO!’

And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

~The end ~